/// So Rodney offered Grodin to hit him and Grodin went in with everything he had right away, which makes me think – did Rodney offer Sheppard to hit him too? :) And since Rodney remarks Grodin didn’t even hesitate – Sheppard did hesitate then? :) (But he would, being a military guy who’s trained not to punch people left and right, especially annoying but kinda fun scientists. XD) Oh, and, whose idea was to shoot Rodney in the leg – Sheppard or Rodney’s? :D The balcony is probably Rodney’s idea, but the shooting can be Sheppard’s, since as a soldier he’d immediate make a connection between invincibility and firearms.

/// So SGA writers did at least see mcshep XD

Also, this little exchange didn’t survive the first draft either:
SHEPPARD: Okay, but I’m not getting in a bath with you.
MCKAY: I’m both relieved and slightly disappointed. Now, let’s review.      
Too bad. I thought it was kind of funny and played to McKay’s ego. Sorry, McSheppers.

Fucking meddling networks, we can never have anything nice! XD

/// Okay, a brief question – would Mensa!Sheppard and focal!Rodney hate each other or be even more chummy and insufferable for the audience? XD Cos they would need to outsmart and out-snark each other and display as much arrogance as possible, but then again, they would be similarly dismissive and derisive of idiots surrounding them and that’s powerful bonding material. XD I’m sort of thinking – at first they’d be very prickly around each other and their fighting would be more intense and there would be lengthy fall out periods, but after a few life-and-death situation and mutual saving they’d adjust and present pretty much what we see in s4-5 but in addition, they’d be absolutely impossible to tolerate as a duo and they would play it up for the lulz to boot. XD (That is, if they survive the period of adjustment cos that can be tricky with the double arrogance attitude. XD)

/// Так это ж Родни. XD

Капитан Зелёный из «Тайна Третьей Планеты» - мой любимый инженер. Всё время недоволен, вздыхает, ничего не хочет, но делает всё, что надо. Постоянно всех спасает. Без конца ноет.

/// On a side note, about mcshep and chess. Sheppard evidently consistently wins against Rodney cos chess isn’t about pure math and logic, but also about strategy and predictive psychology and Sheppard is a lot better at that. I’ve seen a suggestion it’s cos he’s military and trained to strategise, but apart from that, it’s probably Sheppard’s natural inclination too. So, the combination of military training and his natural psychological and mental profile lets him win against a certified maths/physics genius, and that’s why he’s the leader and why Rodney obeys him when the shit goes down.

Also, I think in Vegas!verse, Rodney would be winning.

(But also, focal!Rodney would be winning against pretty much everyone else. He says he doesn’t play cos it’s hard to find a worthy opponent, which may be authors cheekily implying Rodney’s actually shit at chess and has at some point lost to a variety of scientists and only played with Sheppard cos Sheppard was supposed to be a semi-literate neanderthal in his mind, but it’s less funny than him losing specifically to Sheppard only. That is, Rodney’s sheer logic is enough to thwart anyone he plays with but Sheppard’s uniquely suited to override Rodney’s genius with ease.)

/// I’m always baffled when people write Rodney’s inner thought process as rational, logical and analytical, making him a bit (or a lot) autistic and computer-like. I mean, come on. He’s a mess! XD He is very logical and analytical when it comes to science, yes, but he’s also running on red alert most of the time, and he jumps from topic to topic almost chaotically, and emotions make him flail and glitch, and if it’s a deeper emotion, a really important one, all his logic vanishes completely and it’s just raw life experience and no data processing. So, what I’m trying to say is that you can write him as logical and analytical but you have to also interject that with random !!!! and confusion and pure emotions and complete failure at any sort of rationality. The fact he’s an antisocial genius and a scientist has no reflection on his inner functioning, ffs. I’m betting Sheppard is more fucking structured and analytical innerly than Rodney is – cos he’s super calm and cos he’s using all sorts of shit to distance from uncomfortable emotions and psychological issues. Rodney’s not consciously distancing from anything, the moment he senses an issue he might have to deal with, he switches to something interesting, be that physics or Batman, and dead-ass pretends there’s no issue and then even believes in it. Sheppard does that too, cos what tactic doesn’t he use, but he’s more aware of his failings and therefore more inventive at not dealing with them. I.e., out of mcshep, Rodney is the one who should be written more emotional and random, and Sheppard – more structured and controlled.

/// Okay, so I get why Sheppard was made younger – Joe looks younger than his actual age and it fits with Sheppard’s behaviour better. But why is Elizabeth 30 when SGA begins??? Torri Higgins is 35 at that point and I actually always thought she’s closer to 39 maybe. Were the creators trying to underline her geniusness – being 30 and already in charge of a whole expedition to another galaxy? But I would’ve thought diplomacy and management is about life experience rather than genius. Weird choice. 

/// In the end of the first ep, Rodney and Carson watch Sheppard flirt with Teyla, and Carson’s all whiny ‘why am I not the one getting the hot chick???’ about it, and Rodney’s completely indifferent and engrossed in his snack. I mean, Rodney can and will come across as drooling over any hot chick, but interestingly, it’s Carson’s role there. (And yeah, the sсript was not meant for Rodney at first, so it can be weird non-Rodney characterisation, but with his background in mind, it could be acted out completely differently – a longing grumpy stare, the snack being forgotten in order to ogle Teyla, anything at all.) And he’s also not resenting Sheppard’s popularity – and I’m pretty sure if you do resent Sheppard’s Kirk-ness, you do it as a knee-jerk reaction right on spot, and not develop an intolerance over time – cos Sheppard’s just that sort of aggravating at first sight for the blue-balled individuals who have trouble with women. Which leads me to another conclusion – a) Rodney doesn’t give a fuck because he’s not drooling just over anyone and hot chick are nothing to him unless they have at least one doctorate, and b) Sheppard’s flirting doesn’t piss him off on sight because he’s not yet jealous about Sheppard. So all his pissiness at Sheppard’s flirting and him flirting with random local girls specifically – it’s not about the girls at all. (Which is obvious anyway, but I like when canon obliges. XD)

/// A side note to Rodney and his emotions – I don’t think I’ve seen an in-depth study of his take on John? When people try it’s almost always about sexual attraction and a straightforward romantic crush – but what about Rodney’s need to meet all Sheppard’s expectations? What about desperately striving to be a better man so Sheppard can trust and respect him? What about his need to save Sheppard and protect him from his own suicidal tendencies? What about Rodney’s blind trust in him and only ever feeling completely safe with him? People sometimes address Rodney’s hots for Sheppard’s maths, but what about the way Rodney accepts they’re equal and runs with Sheppard’s ideas and allows Sheppard to boss him around? What about Rodney recognizing and appreciating that Sheppard’s basically the only person who doesn’t only tolerate him but seeks out Rodney’s company whenever possible? I guess I’m just a bit pissed off that people at least attempt at writing agonizingly inappropriate love towards a best friend on Sheppard’s side but never give Rodney the same treatment, as if he’s incapable of complicated and conflicting feelings and all he outwardly expressing is all that’s there – or that he’s so in rational control of his emotions he never feels more than he allows himself to feel. As I said, Rodney’s a mess and he’s a lot worse mess than Sheppard is, and I guess it’s hard to write but at least hinting on a more complex characterization would be enough. Ugh.

/// So that scene in 5x01, when everyone’s on the Daedalus and Keller tells Sheppard Rodny’s alive. He doesn’t ask about Rodney directly, scared shitless to hear something he doesn’t want to hear; and he doesn’t know for a fact Rodney’s dead, so he’s hanging in-between falling apart and resuming normal functioning, so he seems lost and meek and going along with Keller tending to his wounds, even though everything requires swift and decisive actions – and as soon as he’s told Rodney’s alive, he goes ‘oop, ok, time to save the day!’, which is honestly the mode he should’ve switched to immediately after being beamed onboard. But this is Doppelganger take 2 and we’ve seen what he was like when he thought Rodney was dead.

/// Interesting how annoyed Sheppard gets in Echoes when Rodney can’t hear him and doesn’t respond to anything, including the creative insults. XD He doesn’t pay any attention to Sheppard and it really doesn’t agree with him. :D

Also, again, I’m wondering about screenwriters’ intentions/the acting directives vs Joe’s acting choices, cos if I just read the dialogue, I’d’ve thought Sheppard’s using the opportunity to have a laugh with himself at deaf Rodney’s expense, but definitely not trying to get Rodney’s attention and stooping to insults in order to do it. I’m pretty sure the dialogue got interpreted somewhere down the line, and Joe’s approach to it was accepted as maybe more ic? But ic like, Sheppard doesn’t like being ignored altogether, being pretty stubborn and assertive along with all his laid-backness. Which is the case, but here, specifically, it’s about Rodney ignoring him and leaving him bored in the infirmary while deep in his own world. And overall, Sheppard just really doesn’t like Rodney outright ditching him for anything, be that girlfriends or science, which is funny, cos it’s Rodney – especially in this ep, with all his chasing Sheppard around Atlantis to talk about whales – who comes across a bit co-dependent, and Sheppard seems to be at best indulgent and at worst slightly annoyed. But yeah, the moment Rodney’s co-dependent focus on him is gone, the real annoyance peeks through.

/// Tbh, I think we’ve never seen enough of Sheppard’s Rodney, so to speak – as in, Rodney in their shared spare time, when no crises are happening and they’re just playing something silly or arguing about sci-fi, or watching a show and excercising in witty put-downs. (Same goes for Sheppard but to lesser extent.) By which I mean, people often write downtime Rodney as on duty/solving a crisis Rodney, just maybe a bit more funny, but we’ve seen glimpses and those glimpses suggest a very different picture. They suggest a very enthusiastic, happy, full of fun ideas Rodney, not all that scathingly sarcastic, absolutely not grumpy, and pretty much always down to clown. The same is more or less true for Sheppard, I just think he’s a bit more calm and trying to come across cooler that the nerd he is (yeah, even when alone with Rodney), but if there’s something really entertaining going on – like pushing Rodney off the balcony, say – Sheppard becomes that same enthusiastic giggly idiot. That’s how they’ve arrived to the pushing-off-the-balcony thing in the first place, ffs, and to the toy cars, and it’s why they can’t get enough of each other. I mean, sometimes fics make it really unclear just why mcshep spend all their free time together and why Sheppard is so in love, or why Rodney is never bored with him.

And for that exact reasons Rodney’s fling with Jennifer is doomed before it becomes anything at all – he’ll be bored with her the moment the hormones sizzle out a little. I don’t think Rodney’s very capable of compartmentalization and approaching all relationships radically different. He approaches them all the same (I mean people he actually likes or doesn’t actively hate) – colleagues, friends, girlfriends, but some people respond and some don’t, and it’s other people who create boundaries and rules for him, which he then sorta follows. But that’s the thing – all these boundaries and rules obscure real Rodney and people end up interacting with some of his sides. And only Sheppard welcomes all Rodney’s sides and never tries to regulate him, and let’s revise – who’s the person Rodney has the closest relationship with? So, when Jennifer begins to impose rules and boundaries on him, where will Rodney go? Also, since he can’t differentiate people and their roles, he’ll expect a response from her he associates with a fun and close relationship, and Jennifer absolutely cannot and will not act the way Sheppard does with him, and again, where will Rodney go when that happens? Actually, Sheppard’s influence on Rodney is double-edged. On one hand, before him, Rodney couldn’t have had a normal relationship with anyone cos he was an arrogant asshole and never considered there’s something of value in people aside from their intellect (inherently weaker than his to boot). After Sheppard, with his personality all adjusted and striving to be a better man, Rodney now can have meaningful relationship with people and recognize their value, but the thing is, Sheppard had unwittingly tuned him in to have a meaningful relationship with one person – Sheppard. Now Rodney has a frame of reference for what a great relationship looks like and a new set of positively reinforced behaviour, and it won’t work with anyone but the person who’s installed it in him. And yeah, okay, already having gone through it, Rodney might be susceptable to a different user and their template, but it will conflict with Sheppard’s one and I’m pretty sure Sheppard’s tuning will prevail. Especially since it’s the tuning that agrees with Rodney’s issues and idiosyncrasies the most – which is why mcshep relationship worked and kept working no matter what.

/// So what does it say about mcshep that in The Game, one designed the main character as a love interest, and the other – as a self-insert? Also, Sheppard has the audacity to mock Rodney for the narcissistic portrait flag, while designing his country leader after himself but more jacked and tough! As per usual, Sheppard’s being more sneaky and leaving some space for deniability and Rodney’s being blatant and unapologetic, but their arrogance itsellf is absolutely identical. XD

/// Oh and one more thing I’d like to address while we’re at it, re: Sheppard’s love for mass destruction weapons. He somehow manages to come across sophisticated and almost pacifistic and leftist, while being none of that. XD Just because a guy is submerged in man-pain and has daddy issues and had ditched his super wealthy family doesn’t mean he’s all that progressive and refined, ffs! His interests are all dudebro-ish and at best nerdy – surfing, golf, baseball, muscle cars, choppers, sci-fi, theme parks, Johhny Cash, war crimes – there’s nothing sophisticated in there! He didn’t even manage to read War and Peace and anyway, I think his reasoning for taking it to Atlantis was something like ‘what is the fattest book that can last me a while in case of total cultural isolation & what would make me look cool for the science folks?’ XD Only chess and math somewhat redeem him, I guess. But as I said, he creates an impression of someone pretty extensively educated in stuff like history and philosophy, of someone who could go on tangents arguing a point and never stooping to insults, of someone with a complex and conscious emotional life – yet there’s next to nothing in the show that would suggest that. Idk how the hell did Flanigan manage, but he gave Sheppard a dimension that he was probably not intended to have. He seems like he’s a little above it all, bordering on asceticism as a philocophical choice, studying people and society rather than fully living in it, and as the result, being pretty open-minded, unjudgemental and a true neutral on the alignment chart.

Funnily enough, Rodney, who confesses to be a classically trained pianist and who has won acting awards, and who is a genius scientist with knowledge in pretty much any field, including, I’m sure, all the ‘soft’ sciences and subjects, doesn’t come across sophisticated, but actually pretty down-to-earth and as a simple man with simple needs. And very subjectively and aggressively opinionated about everything and anything, despite insisting people and society bear no interest to him.

/// Also on characterization: quite often fics invoke Sheppard’s supposed ‘need to fly’ and ‘love for the sky’ and tbh, I’ve no idea where does it come from. I mean, he says he thinks people who don’t want to fly are crazy, but that’s about it? There are no poetic speeches about sky, or about how he misses planes and choppers, etc, which makes me think his thing for flying isn’t about flying, exactly. I think it’s more about being in control, about connecting with a machine and leaving people and their nonsense on the ground, far away and immaterial. It’s about escape – he’s doing the same thing driving a muscle car in a desert, or riding a surfing board in the ocean, for example. He’s running from himself as well, of course, but it’s a harder trick to pull off, so I’m guessing flying itself distracts him enough to not overthink all his glaring issues. In other words, he’s not being romantic about flying, it’s not a personal philosophy and not even a passion, strictly speaking, it’s just another way to run. Maybe his favourite way, but just a way. And I also allow he just loves cool/fast/deadly tech as is and whatever Air Force can offer him is the cutting edge in this regard. And all of that is the reason he easily accepts Atlantis and puddlejumpers and never waxes poetic about his pilot years and blue skies – he’d ran as far away as possible from everything that aggravated him, he got the coolest tech available in two galaxies, and he’s so in control of shit it’s verging on autocracy. If only it would help him with his own issues. XD

/// I’ve seen people complain about Sheppard being ooc when he gives Mitchell a lemon to threaten Rodney, as in, Sheppard wouldn’t be so casual and cheerful about endangering Rodney’s life, and tbh, I think these people are referring to fics!Sheppard. XD Like with Rodney, ficwriters alter his character too, making more sensitive and soft, I think, and a lot more gentle with Rodney. Whereas in canon, mcshep are quite bratty and annoying with each other, and some screenwriters really liked to present mcshep as a sibling dynamic, and giving lemons to people is exactly what a sibling would do. Also, that SG-1 in Atlantis ep coincides with Irresistible and, I think, happens right after it canon timeline-wise, so Sheppard would also be extra-mean to Rodney for using Lucius’s potion on him. (Which was pretty abusive, considering the withdrawals.) And after all, Rodney’s not really in danger from that lemon – as if Mitchell, knowing Rodney has a potentially lethal allergy, would do anything more than swaying the lemon in front of Rodney’s nose. They’re not actually nine year olds, the lot of them – they behave as such, but Mitchell isn’t a sociopath and Sheppard’s well aware he can use him for a mean but harmless prank. So, for me, everyone there is extremely ic and the entire situation is as bad as the usual mcshep nonsense. :)

/// I am perpetually amused with Rodney’s s5 black jacket, cos it never appears on anyone else as a part of the standard uniform and was clearly designed specifically to make Rodney look more badass. XD

I mean, all the clean rigid lines to underline the shoulder width and the relatively narrow waist, simultaneously hiding away the belly – it actually does look very good on him and gives him hardness and strictness, turning him into a more classic hero type. I’m guessing it’s partly to do with the romantic subplot Rodney was given in s5, so the audience doesn’t question Jennifer’s crush on him, cos look!, but tbh, I think Rodney-flattering began earlier with the change in Atlantis command uniform – the new jacket has those more rigid shoulder lines too, the design is also more clean and laconic, plus the stripes accentuate the shoulder width, whereas the original one with the oddly shaped patches was actually downplaying that. And I don’t think it was a conceptual ‘new season new look’ improvement, cos this uniform change was literally only for Rodney, Sam/Woolsey, Jennifer, and Radek – i.e., for the commanding officers (sans John, who was also flattered with the permanent all-black BDUs, even tho Atlantis military wasn’t meant to be distinct from Atlantis scientists). And yeah, budget and all that, but the budget could also be used as an excuse to not alter any uniforms. Or you know, they could be altered some other way, not specifically to flatter Rodney’s admittedly quite nice shoulders. :)

/// I just thought, after looking at some caps, that I absolutely don’t perceive Rod as Rodney. :) Nope, not an alternative version Rodney, but a completely different person, like yeah, ok, same actor but the characters are from two completely different shows and just happened to be in the same frame, maybe via photoshop. Same goes for Vegas!Rodney and out-of-phase-verse!Rodney (that one was like, same actor playing a very similar character but not the same one). But Rod is the most uh, separate from the others, I think, cos Vegas!Rodney is at least a sarcastic asshole. But he’s probably on the opposite spectrum of Rod-different, with Rod being lawful good, Rodney – lawful neutral, and Vegas!Rodney – lawful evil, as much as evil axis is applicable to the ‘good guys’. (Cos Vegas!Rodney is almost sinister, he’s dark, heavy, effortlessly commanding, he has no self-doubt and anxieties, he’s not hyper-compensating for anything, and it makes his self-confidence and bossiness somewhat alarming and of the sociopathy sort. I mean, he remains perfectly morally sound, there’s no apparent corruptness about him, but there is a very distinct ‘don’t fuck with me or I will destroy you’ vibe, and you just know he will actually destroy you, very inventively and without any second thoughts. All that also makes him hot as hell and not even a top but a dom, and Rodney could never ever pull off that level of hot. Rodney, in comparison, is a fumbling teenager – actually, I have compared focal!mcshep to teenage characters from child literature adventure series, and probably the main difference with Vegas!Rodney is that he’s an adult. Rod sort of creates an impression of adultness, but he’s also evidently pretty YA maximalistic and adventurous and has issues and anxieties going on, they just manifest differently. But he’s pretty suicidal on par with Sheppard, and that’s never a sign of stability, even if he looks cheerful and balanced doing it.)

/// Honestly, in Tao of Rodney, what was Sheppard’s ‘another friend’ disclaimer for? XD I mean, as if he would invoke that if the one dying was Ronon or idk, Carson? He’d just say ‘yes of course I love you’ and that would be it. With Rodney, tho, he feels the necessity to hold back and act like a moron all the way, even facing the reality of losing Rodney for good. Saying ‘I love you’ to Rodney hits way too close home, in other words, especially when Rodney’s about to die. That’s too much openness and sincerity and feelings and Sheppard immediately puts on that ‘whatever, nothing really matters lol’ mask of his and sticks to it the hardest the worse the situation’s getting. It gets knocked out of him a bit by s5, but only strips him down to the ‘I’m sorry I can’t express it but you must know anyway, right?’ mask. Maybe another three seasons of almost losing Rodney would get him to the full-blown ‘maybe I’m uh… sorta… in lo… uh… care about you’. XD Fucking repressed idiot. :)

/// One curious thing about Sheppard that sort of aligns with the created impression of sophistication, is that it’s hard to tell how dangerous he is. And when you learn exactly how dangerous, you still bounce right back to ‘probably not very’. Apart from being deceptively pretty and flirty, and even more deceptively refined, he also lacks an edge, so to speak. He’s laid back and sort of lazy-slow, and he looks like he half-assed dressing up and combing his hair, and all of it translates into ‘doesn’t give enough fucks to be a threat’. Then again, sometimes he does exude a vibe of badassery and danger, but in this case, the prettiness and a veil of refinement kicks in and it looks like he won’t go all the way with being a threat and will pull back in the last moment. And only then you learn that you were wrong.

(I mean, usually, there’s just one layer of deceptiveness – a character seems refined and principled but has an edge that quickly makes you realise the refinement won’t be an obstacle at all (Maturin, Blake), or a character is ridiculously pretty but again, has an edge that makes you remember that a lot of pretty things are deadly (Dean, Speirs). Actually, the only other Sheppard-like character I can think of would be Raylan Givens – pretty, comes across sophisticated, charming and flirtly, all drawl-y and loose and laid back, but also lethal and can mind-fuck you and won’t hesitate to kill you. Although he has a bit more edge, I’d say, and he’s not as half-assed, and also not as decadently man-pained.)

/// So, in Harmony, is Rodney pissed off with the girl cos of ‘the attitude’ or cos she’s blatantly all over Sheppard? Cos Rodney cannot stand female competition in any form. XD He even remarks on ‘a lot of people, particularly alien women tend to fall for John Sheppard’s good looks and charm’ – Rodney gives no fucks she’s a child and is being delusional, alien women falling for Sheppard is just something that gives him indigestion. XD

Also, the only two women Rodney doesn’t try to be jealous about are Elizabeth and Teyla – and that despite the sexual tension and ‘what if’ notion Sheppard has with both. Which is very unlike Rodney who sees a threat in anyone with tits – so, does Rodney know for a fact Sheppard would never pursue either or them? Was there an explicit discussion? I can actually see a discussion there, with Rodney outright asking if Sheppard’s gonna fuck their boss or their team member (dressing it as ‘I need to know what to expect cos it would definitely affect the expedition and me personally’) and Sheppard coming across so horrified at the suggestion Rodney believes him right away and drops the subject for good.

(Other women he spares are like, Cadman and Jennifer – maybe cos Cadman is very obviously into Carson (that Rodney has no problem with, btw, despite Carson being his bff and therefore a woman would steal Carson’s time and attention, if we go for that explanation – but nope, Rodney doesn’t give two fucks about Carson’s love life), as for Jennifer – then idk, there may have been a discussion as well. XD Also, Rodney treats actual male competition – Ronon – very differently from what he treats Sheppard like, when he’s supposedly tramples Rodney’s chances. With Ronon, Rodney’s all reserved, stuck up, informs of his own interest very formally, and treats Jennifer’s choices with utmost respect. Which is not at all what happens when Sheppard’s supposedly after a woman Rodney wants – in those cases Rodney just flips out, insults Sheppard and the woman, throws a tantrum and generally behaves like a dick. I.e., what a ridiculously jealous and possessive bastard would behave like spotting his SO flirting with someone else. XD

/// Curiously, there seems to be common themes for both Sheppard and Rodney’s almost dying tendencies. When it’s Sheppard in danger, he’s somewhere alone and removed from the team/Atlantis, with Rodney not knowing what’s going on and how to help him – the Ascended colony, Todd, Last Man, Travelers, the last episode, even The Defiant One.

With Rodney, it’s pretty much the opposite but also similar – he’s right there, surrounded by people who want to help him but don’t know how and Sheppard’s forced to witness the agonizingly slow death – Duet, Tao, Shrine, Doppelganger, Genii taking Atlantis sort of, the sunk jumper almost fits cos Sheppard knows where Rodney is and what’s going on and in a position to help but it’s also drawn out and not promising to be successful.

(The only two eps where it’s inverted are 38 minutes and Asgard stealing Rodney and Daniel.)

So, the question here is, I guess – what sort of trauma are they forced to relive and what issues is it making worse? Is it tapping into Rodney’s entire existence being based on knowledge and ability to solve problems? Is it a special sort of hell for Sheppard who has to hide his emotions extra-hard and who is being robbed of a chance to sacrifice himself for a loved one?

/// Ohhh.

Cowen: Many generations ago, during a culling, the Genii were able to shoot down a Wraith Dart.

Rodney: The Wraith tend to self-destruct, I'm surprised you were able to get ahold of something like this.

+

Todd: I merely allowed myself… to be captured alive…

So Todd’s been in captivity for centuries! I mean, I guess the Wraith with their pretty much endless life span perceive time differently, but still, that’s a lot. And he’s been maintained on the bare minimum of life force, and the Wraith consider hunger the worst physical and moral thing ever, so that’s a lot of torture. What was he hoping for? Establishing some sort of communication with humans? The most advanced humans at the time, too – but not advanced enough and not willing to communicate at all. Which is understandable, after living millenia in fear. So, Todd really got lucky with Sheppard, and no wonder he then proceeded to pretty much fall in love – Sheppard’s like, the dreams come true for Todd. :)

/// I have a bit different take on Rodney & women (i.e., he’s semi-subconscious about his assholishness), but this is the first time I’m seeing someone go down this road at all.

I don’t think he’s doing it intentionally cos he doesn’t really have to – I doubt anyone in the military would care he’s gay – being a scientist is a camouflage enough for them and he should know it, despite the egomania. Nope, everything, from glimpses into his childhood to the sways in his behaviour through both shows, I think demonstrates he feels incredibly inadequate about himself and tries to fix his issues with the wrongest solutions. It doesn’t change, either, so when he propositions to Keller it just means he’s covering for something else, badly – and also not consciously, it’s just panic and something he’s already attempted with Katie, therefore a familiar pattern and he likes those (like being an asshole to women for years). Also, him not giving Katie the ring just probably solidified the new dating tactic – he can easily be in this sort of sweet half-assed relationship for a while, still spending most of his time with Sheppard, and subconsciously he knows that when the pressure for taking it to another level overtakes him (and it will, he’s brainwashed to want it) he’ll panick and have a meltdown and the woman will both take a pity on him and tell him to fuck off – so it’s an easy way out for them both. This way he’s always in a hetero relationship, always heading for more, and always not completely ready but would be ready if given another chance – but evidence suggests that he won’t be given another chance and it’s on to the next cycle.

/// Actually, it’s interesting that Sheppard, always ready to do something incredibly stupid and suicidal for pretty much anybody, goes and mindfucks someone else into a suicide for Rodney. Is it cos Rodney’s not actually in immediate mortal peril so Sheppard isn’t actually scared out of his mind and has time and spare braincells to think? It’s also interesting that Sheppard actually takes time for mindfuckery, instead of just quietly delivering Wallace to Todd – he sure could do that, but nope, he took time to make it a voluntary sacrifice (and he had to be pretty sure he could actually do that, which begs the question – was he trained for conducting interrogations? I doubt that evac pilots go through that, and also, Sheppard’s way too deadly and way too filled with self-loathing (and way too avoidant of psychotherapy) to be just a very good pilot and nothing else. So, what shit have you gone through, Sheppard? Jack was with the special ops doing some very shady stuff in his past, so maybe the writers meant something like that for Sheppard’s background, just didn’t have a chance to state it explicitly.) Also, about the voluntary sacrifice – I get that it’s mostly done for the moral justification (even though it’s feeble at best), but if we forget for a moment there’s morality at stakes, I think Sheppard does it cos it’s extra-cruel. As I said, he could just feed Wallace to Todd and not bat an eye it’s a crime and a violation of all the human rights possible, but nope, he makes sure Wallace is fully aware of what’s going to happen, why is it going to happen and that it’ll be his own choice it happens. It may look morally justified in the sense of a criminal repenting his sins and negating the damage he’s done, but in actuality, Wallace was driven by fear of losing a loved one and didn’t mean to kill anyone, so he's not actually all that evil and does have a conscience – which is why Sheppard’s mindfuckery works on him in the first place. And Sheppard knows it full well and uses it to cause as much pain as he can.

So, tbh, while Sheppard isn’t a sociopath, the show consistently does make it look like he has no moral compass to speak of and has just one imperative, pretty much – protect people he wants to protect (‘wants’ being the key here). The means don’t matter, and it also doesn’t matter who it is he classifies as an aggressor. It also looks like this lack of ethics isn’t natural for him – he could be very morally sound if he wanted to, but somewhere along the road he decided someone has to not ask these questions and figured he can take the weight of it (which consistently makes him hate himself more and become more and more suicidal), and if the choice is between ‘do what is morally or legally right’ or ‘save people I’ve decided I’m responsible for’ – it’ll be the latter all the time.

I’m not sure Rodney gets it, by the way – probably not, so his own self-sacrificial tendencies when it comes to Sheppard (and others, but less so) look a bit naïve and misguided. Cos he thinks Sheppard’s doing it because of his morality and makes him his role model, whereas Sheppard knows this is an incredibly stupid take on his actions. But it’s too late and he’s unwillingly conditioned Rodney to emulate his behavior and all he can do now is to beat Rodney to a self-sacrifice or push someone else under the bus in his stead.

/// And there is the fabled clip that no one can seem to find of [Joe Flanigan] saying his “feeling for David are platonic, but John’s feeling for Rodney might not be.” Have heard about this clip on multiple sites but have never seen it myself. So, who knows maybe it’s an internet legend.

Tbh, I fully believe that, otherwise the fandom wouldn’t be so bent about Joe’s ‘acting choices’ being queer af – they were given that idea and they preserved it.

/// XD

“definitely not a closet,” john decides, once he’s inside this closet, with rodney. but he’s RIGHT it’s NOT a closet it is in fact A TRANSPORTER that can take you anywhere you want. there’s some complicated metaphor here about finding the control panel of being gay and realizing it’s actually a magical thing that will take you places you never thought you’d go. it’s somewhat narnia.

/// It’s pretty much a rule to describe Sheppard as relaxed, laid-back, slouching etc, but is he? He comes across a lot of stuff that he in fact is not – affable, available, flirty, jock-dumb, unfocused, harmless in that charming playboy way, but dig a little, and all of that flakes off, and it appears Sheppard’s incredibly closed-off, an asshole, socially inept, borderline genius, a control freak, absolutely lethal. So, why would he be all that but also relaxed and slack? That aligns with his outwards mask persona but really doesn’t align with the true character. Sure, he calls himself as lazy, but then, ‘Am I lazy or horribly depressed?’, yeah. So, I kinda always want to describe him as seemingly laid-back but actually pretty tense, attentive and controlled, only he’s managing it in such a contained and tight way it’s really not easy to spot.

/// Right???

Like, Rodney uses every opportunity to show people he's successfully performing masculinity, even though his attempts are always a little off: he constantly, awkwardly mentions when women are conventionally attractive to demonstrate he did the 'right thing' in noticing (like in Aurora), he uses laughably over the top, action-movie style language on OPS about shooting and flying, etc. Meanwhile, he fails to notice that John doesn't do these things, but continues to either project them onto John, OR mock perceived instances of them. There's SO much cognitive dissonance, and it's all because he's aware there's some sort of disconnect between what it means to be a man, culturally, and his own behavior. He's AWARE masculinity is a performance, and he's performing it, but imperfectly. Likely because he's neurodivergent and repressed and not straight, but also in part using John as a model for masculinity WHILE misinterpreting SO much about John because of the LAYERS and layers of misplaced jealousy and desire and internalized homophobia he has surrounding their relationship.

And then John, on the other hand, uses every opportunity to negate the assumptions people have about him regarding his performance of masculinity. He's always subverting expectation, not just the expectations of his peers but us as viewers, too! He's not the type of character we're set up to believe he is, and he brings this up to other characters, like in Condemned when Ronon says "I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight" ,and we expect John to defend his own bravery or honor or something, and instead he says "No, I'm just naturally lazy." Or in the same episode when he says "I'm a worrier!" He routinely embodies so many qualities that are atypical of his character type and also atypical of hyper masculinity: he worries, he's compassionate to a fault, he's not interested in proving himself, he never expects when women come on to him, he's brave but he doesn't really perceive himself as such. He is rash and impulsive, but almost always in a self destructive, guilt driven way, not a hot-headed way. His closest friends on the base save for Rodney and later, Ronon, are Elizabeth and Teyla and it's MADE EXPLICIT that one of the reasons why they trust him is that he does not treat them any differently for being women, in stark contrast to the other military officials they deal with.

But despite all this, Rodney continues to see him as this masculine ideal, ignoring all John does to combat it, and I really think that's because Rodney is attracted to John but he doesn't recognize it as attraction. So he as to categorize it the only way he knows how: in terms of performed ideal masculinity and his complicated relationship to that.

/// Was there a take anywhere as to why mcshep so immediately bond, both being people who are very hard to bond/bond with? As in, Sheppard on his own is stand-offish, wears three masks and a smokescreen, refuses to have close relationships to avoid getting traumatized again, is pretty arrogant and of high opinion of his intellectual faculties, and yet he meets Rodney McKay, a condescending egomaniac asshole with zero desire to play nice with others, and five seconds later, they’re bffs. It happens before Rodney tries to sacrifice himself for the expedition, before Rodney’s life-saving genius becomes apparent, before Sheppard spends enough time with him to know he’s not actually an asshole but just messed up. From Rodney’s pov it’s also a mistery cos it seems like Sheppard is a kind of a person who would get on Rodney nerves fast and hard – a military jarhead/jock prone to go on idiotic one-man rescue mission, attracts women just by standing in a corner, mocks Rodney and corrects him about fucking math, and seems to find Rodney amusing in a bad way. So, what did they sense in each other that negated everything on the above? Is it their deep social maladaptation? The geekery? Has that bond happened the moment, say, Sheppard went over to the labs to ask something about Atlantis and saw Rodney with his activated personal shield, and when Rodney explained, Sheppard just went all bright-eyed, said ‘cool!’ and asked if he can shoot Rodney to test it, and Rodney (after getting replies like ‘oh ok’ about his super awesome shield) went all ‘fuck yeah it’s cool! of course you must shoot me right now!’ and after that, everyone else was way too boring in comparison, all grown-up and reasonable and slow? And since neither of them had any desire to socialise (for Rodney, the scientists are too stupid, for Sheppard – the marines are, and other scientist are probably a bit too out there), they ended up just hanging together, ignoring each other’s flaws and focusing on the common grounds? And I mean, the first couple of months were really scary and stressful, even for Sheppard who spent his life in war zones – but he had to get along with the whole concept of aliens, spaceships, etc being real, so even though mcshep didn’t really want to make bonds they still needed one for sanity?

(Yeah, I don’t like the common fic take of ‘oh this guy’s hot I wanna fuck him and I will hang out with him’. These two are way to fucked up in the head for that to be the beginning of their relationship. Ffs, Rodney wouldn’t recognize it as sexual attraction, at least not immediately, and Sheppard would make sure to distance himself from a guy he finds attractive.)

/// In Grace Under Pressure,

Elizabeth at Radek: Look, I’m not gonna order you to go.
Sheppard: I will!

Radek’s fucking ‘surprised pikachu’ face in that scene. XD

Probably everyone in Atlantis realizes at one point that mchsep will fuck shit up for each other, and will fuck you up, personally, if you can help/are in the way. Which is pretty scary and sucky to realize, because these are the two people whose job is literally to protect the entire expedition, but if, god forbid, there’s a choice to make, they won’t bother with ST’s ‘the need of many’ spiel. Like, in Midway, Rodney only shuts down the life support system because Sheppard orders him. But in Aurora, goes into the virtual reality while Wraith ships are closing in, risking lives of everyone on the Daedalus. Cos he gives no fucks about people on the Daedalus, including Teyla and Ronon.

/// Actually, the life and death situation when Rodney calls Sheppard John – since he switches so unthinkingly, it must mean he’s referring to Sheppard as John in his head as default and actually makes an effort to filter it to Sheppard, and my question is – can it be only for public where they are in their official roles? So, maybe Rodney’s just maintaining some professional decorum and in their off time, it’s always John? Although, the show makes it quite clear that Rodney’s on the first-name basis with all his friends, in professional environment and not – except Sheppard, who is his best friends, which makes it a whole other level of distancing, a thing Rodney’s absolutely not good at. But he makes extra effort in this case, which sounds a bit like John’s ‘like another friend’, i.e., especially stupid and transparent.

/// Actually, Rodney’s ‘I’m so straight it’s offensive’ demeanor can be a disguise, but not against the military. As in, I’m willing to bet everything that Rodney, not only a baby genius but also a smartass without a brain-to-mouth filter, was bullied and beaten up at school chronically and vicuously (the way Rodney reacts to Ronon, for example – at first insults him and then freezes and cowers in fear when Ronon as much as turns towards him). If on top of being an uber nerd who IS actually smarter than everyone around him, and also a dick, and also physically weak and mentally unstable, AND also girlishly pretty as a boy – if on top of that Rodney tried to express interest in other boys? He wouldn’t survive school. But he has just enough of social skills to realize the consequences and adopt a mask of masculine behavior (at least by uni, I guess), but that’s where his social skills end and like with everything else, he over-achieves and projects too much of it. Interestingly, he manages to completely ignore everything masculine that pertains sports, physical fitness and that general bravery/recklessness and dare culture, and also detests the military that idolizes those notions. I guess that was too much for him to emulate, and he decided that expressing near-maniacal interest in women will be perfectly enough to pass for a regular guy. Well, being  a Physics nerd is also really masculine-coded, so he does get to fly under the gaydar.

Sheppard kind of chose the opposite tactic and his take on women is a lot like Rodney’s take on sports, fitness, military, bravery pack – avoidance, ‘well if I must’ attitude, and competitiveness when triggered. Hilariously, they get triggered by each other in both cases. XD So Rodney tries to show off his shooting skills for Sheppard and Sheppard flirts with women in Rodney’s presence. XD

/// People who write Sheppard as genuinely angry at Rodney for Doranda, I think, are missing the point. Sheppard is known to screw up himself plenty, with casualties. He can’t be seriously accusing Rodney of a thing he knows he himself is prone to – nope, as per usual, Sheppard is angry with himself, and Rodney was just unlucky enough to reflect Sheppard’s actions, his arrogance, his disobedience, his violation of responsibility, his guilt and his knowledge he’d do it again. What Sheppard wants is to protect Rodney from Rodney – the Rodney who is on a slippery slope of becoming Sheppard’s spiritual twin. And Rodney was already half-way there anyway, but now there’s actual blood on his hands and it’s taking the analogy a little too far. In other words, Doranda is the situation when Sheppard hates in Rodney everything he hates in himself – and he’s perfectly aware of it, and it pisses him off too. Cos I think it’s when he also realizes he cares about Rodney more than he previously allowed himself to care. Cos Sheppard does care about people a lot, but he still tries to set limits and boundaries, since the lack of those hurt him very badly before. And people he lists as his friends are the people he cares about the amount he can control – but then he adds ‘even Rodney’, the person who’s pushed past every boundary and made him lose the grip and it scares him shitless. And along with it, angers him, because look, he’s getting hurt again as we speak, he didn’t he learn a fucking thing, why is this happening again?! But he can only withstand it for so long, so by the end s3 something in him breaks and he gives up and accepts caring about Rodney can destroy him. Or already has destroyed him, more like. From there, he can only make sure Rodney stays alive, bonus points if he gets whatever he wants (say, the girl). So Doranda is Sheppard figuring shit out and kicking hard against it and knowing it’s too late already. That’s why he’s so pissy with Rodney, that’s why he tries to install boundaries, that’s why he attempts at teaching Rodney a lesson about consequences and trust. Not cos he thinks Rodney fucked up and has to be punished and has to work for forgiveness.

(Oh and a sidenote about control – Sheppard submitted that control to Rodney with Doranda and Rodney failed, but that’s not the point. The point is that Sheppard submitted control. It could go well and he wouldn’t even notice wtf has happened, but it went very shittily and he did and now he’s aware he was willing to hand over the reins – something he just never does, ever, when it concerns his direct field of responsibility and often when it doesn’t. (It’s also a pilot thing, actually – he’s always the one in control of the thing he’s flying and everyone onboard and he loves it that way.) Which is, naturally, the good old daddy issues – he was never in control of anything while his daddy had a say and when he didn’t anymore, Sheppard had to have as much control over himself and shit he designates as his purview as he could. And then Rodney came along, and not only Sheppard cares about him the scary amount, he also doesn’t mind when Rodney is in charge – of Sheppard and his purview both. Which is also scary and infuriating as shit and pokes violently at the root of all Sheppard’s issues and life programs. And again, Rodney himself is not here to blame, it’s Sheppard very own problems and he knows it.)

(Oh, yeah, while I am at it – I also don’t understand when people write Sheppard clueless about his issues. He knows exactly what is going on in his head and he thinks he’s like a functional alcoholic about it. That’s what he’s mistaken about, not the fact of having issues in the first place.)

/// Uh, I think mcshep remind me of Reese and Finch. XD Genius scientist who comes across misanthropic but isn’t, and his hot killer dog who would do anything to keep the scientist alive. Yep. Also, Elias is Todd, and Bear is Ronon. XD The machine = Atlantis. Um, Root = Replicator!Elizabeth. Carter = Teyla (no, not Carter XD). Shaw = Cadman. Grace = Katie. Fusco = eh, Zelenka. :)

/// You know what I'm a slut for? When a character visibly drops a ruse. Like, the way their face changes the moment they give up a facade and reveal themselves.This applies to revealing love, apathy, anger, evil intent. I mcfuckin love it.

I’d say, Sheppard and his ‘McKay is alive?’ I mean, he has a lot of those ‘drop a ruse’ moments, but this one is probably one of the more obvious ones. Cos he’s hurt, he’s barely standing upright or thinking straight, and yet he’s desperately trying to be nonchalant, he jokes, he uses all the round-about ways to find out who’s made it out of the building – i.e., being his usual deflecting self and refusing very hard to let on just who is the most important person in his life. He’s probably readying himself to hear Rodney is dead, tbh, since he lets Keller handle him – half-spacing out preventively and half-intending to get information from her befor doing anything else. But then she says Rodney’s alive and Sheppard’s entire demeanor changes in a second – he’s enormously relieved and would like to take a moment – it’s in his eyes and voice – but along with it, he can function now, no spacing out needed, Colonel mode on, and with it, he has to go get Teyla and fuck his wounds and Keller’s handling. But he had to know first if Rodney is alive – with an implication that if he wasn’t alive, maybe Sheppard couldn’t resume his normal functioning right away. He’d gather himself enough to try, but maybe he wouldn’t be able to concentrate or think sharply enough and wouldn’t be able to pull off a rescue mission. And all of this that is in his little ‘McKay is alive?’

And tbh, it could’ve been acted out completely differently. All Joe had to do is use different voice tones and different facial expressions through the scene – be business-like while Jennifer’s handling him, demonstrating he’s trying to figure out how bad his wound is; be sort of sarcastic/’oh phew’ when he says ‘McKay is alive?’; take a contemplative pause (‘okay, am I up to it? hey, Rodney’s all good, he can help me’) before dismissing his wounds and saying he must go save Teyla – and it’d be a completely different scene about completely different subject: not ‘there’s one person that means everything to me and I’d just go commit a swift suicide if I learned he’s dead’ but ‘I’m badly hurt and have no idea what my options are so I have to gather intel first – oh ok, it’s all manageable, let’s go!’

Also, in the similar vein of Joe and his acting choices – I’m now wondering about Sheppard in ‘The Last Man’ offering Rodney to not change the future cos he’s got the girl fleetingly. Maybe what Sheppard had to sound like was, again, sarcastic? As in, that quip was meant as a joke – and Rodney, being a program in the scene just missed his cue and it was supposed to be doubly amusing? Cos I can see it as being IC for Sheppard – he would make a dark sarcastic comment expecting some rolled eyes from Rodney (‘yeah, haha, sure, let’s not change the future’). But Joe instead said it with dead seriousness, a genuine offer full of pain and self-denial, revealing, once again, Sheppard’s love and all his glaring issues to boot. I mean, if the producers were behind mcshep, I’d fully agree this interpretation was his objective all along, but since they violently weren’t, I’m now wondering about all Joe’s acting regarding Rodney McKay. XD

/// Tried reading some Sheppard/Rodney, since I can see the possibility, but woah, absolutely unsexy. XD Idk if it’s about the characters or about the general vibe of Atlantis, but there’s like, more sexual tension in a scene where a draft ruffles Jack’s hair and he knows it’s his dead bff Daniel, than in a whole well-written sex scene with McShep. XD

/// S3 of Atlantis and I actually started to see the epic McShep pairing. Somewhat. They do have a slashy dynamic.

In SGA, Ronon is ‘just do it’, Teyla is ‘we must do it’, Sheppard is ‘I’d rather not do it but fine’, and Rodney is simultaneously ‘but why should I do it?!’and ‘only I am competent to do it!’ XD

Teyla: …friends?
John, scandilised: I have friends!

Rodney: Where’s Sheppard?
Ronon: On a field trip with a sexy astrobiologist.
Rodney: :((((((

Sheppard, looking at Rodney flirt with Jennifer: Think he’s gonna make a move?
Ronon: Idgaf.
Sheppard: :((((((

Rodney after being in his own and Sheppard’s dreams: I thought there would be more hot girls!
Sheppard: Yeah!
What hot girls, you idiots, it’s just nightmares, Atlantis, and you two. XD

/// Okay, here’s how an average SGA ep goes:
McShep: squabbling and insulting each other and being incredibly annoying
Rodney: Hey, wait! There’s some interesting shit down there!
Sheppard: Cool, let’s go!
Elizabeth: Now wait a second, is it dangerous interesting shit?
Sheppard: Of course, it’s part of the- I mean, we’ll be fine.
Elizabeth: Are you sure?
Rodney: We’re doing scientific research, it’s why we came to Pegasus in the first place!
Sheppard: *thumbs up* *nodding along* *great speech 10/10*  
Elizabeth: You just want to fuck about.
Rodney: Well, naturally- I mean, it’s very scientific.
Sheppard: Absolutely. And it’s totally safe.
Elizabeth: …I’ll have a rescue team on standby.

Rodney: Well don’t look at me, it’s not my fault!
Sheppard: I don’t care whose fault it is, fix it now!
Elizabeth: Rescue team, go rescue these idiots!
Sheppard: We’re fine!
Rodney: Just a minor – ok, hold on, it’s a very very massive problem now! Totally come rescue us!
rescue team spectacularly failing with its task
Rodney: Great, now I have to save ten more people!
Sheppard: You’re loving it.
Rodney: Make yourself useful and do something suicidally heroic, why don’t you?
Sheppard: Sure.
Rodney: Hey, I didn’t mean literally!
*explosions, general mayhem, more stuff gets fucked up*
Elizabeth: …Is anyone still alive there?
Sheppard: Of course, I told you it was completely safe.
Rodney: You’d be dead without me ten times over.
Sheppard: Yeah yeah, you’re a genius, we know.
McShep: back to squabbling and insulting each other and being incredibly annoying
Elizabeth: *sigh*

Also, that would be right up SG’s street with Earth mythology turned into aliens! What a waiste of an opportunity. XD

His more superficial and immediate reaction when loosening up is to flirt with Jennifer, of course (niceness being an interesting side-effect of getting stupider btw). It might be said that underneath the outer spiky shell Rodney is actually nice and fluffy and pretty charming, but that also meant that he was losing memories and IQ points and that for Keller to really like Rodney, he had to change and be dumbed-down slightly. I seriously do not understand how the authors figured it’s a good basis for a pairing and why would the audience buy it.

SG-1 characters come and fit right away. It’s like they’ve knows each other for ages from the beginning, it’s a family unit from the get-go, they’re comfy with each other, they’re established as characters and as a team and as separate couples, they fit with their newly sci-fi world, even. More than that, they’re all likeable people who are easy and willing to get along, to belong, to work together.
SGA characters, on the other hand, come in a tight zip format, awkward with each other, trying to adjust, trying to take in the new environment, and then, as they learn all of it, they unfold, fitting against each other’s gaps and bumps, filling their surroundings and roles. And they’re not really likable, they don’t really want to be working together and belonging to each other, so it takes time for them to like each other and make a team, and for the audience to like them. (And it’s not just Rodney.)
(Actually, I think the only character who doesn’t unfold is Elizabeth? She’s pretty much the same and having the same relationships with everyone in her first ep and in her last. Characters have relationships at her, so to speak, their perception and behavior changes regarding her, but Elizabeth remains the same. Which is likely why I never really liked or disliked her, she’s just.. ok. And I mean, even Woolsey, who’s there just cos there should be an administrator, unfolds enough within one season.)/// Also, Sheppard comes across (or would want to come across) as an infantile slacker with an anti-authority attitude, laid-back, personable if a bit self-satisfied, just there to do the bare minimum, and like a bit of a hot dumb frat boy. He mostly succeeds, actually, but there’s still something dark lurking underneath the constructed façade.

Also also, that crystal life form Sheppard tells real Sheppard that he’s the only thing Sheppard’s afraid of – so, Sheppard’s afraid of his dark side and what he’s capable of, and he pushes it all down and tries to be the façade he came up with, but that’s really difficult when you’re a military officer. He liked it in Antarctica cos there wasn’t anything that could go wrong or lead him to making choices (plus the lack of people and personal connections he could make and then inevitably fuck up). Plus, the military itself provides a no-choice structure – he only has to obey commands to be not responsible. And yet, he always disobeys and always gets himself into situations where he has to make a choice (he does coin flipping for Atlantis when the military fails to order him and yeah, I can bet he ignored whatever he got).
(So, daddy issues – being pushed into a pre-planned and pre-arranged life he didn’t want, and mindfucked into feeling guilty for letting his father down (the need to disobey and learned inaction), and yet he chose the career that couldn’t be the farthest from his father’s wishes but has the same structure of obedience and control. So, he just followed the installed pattern, making it his comfort zone: being ordered – disobeying – making choices – feeling guilty when the choices are wrong (and refusing to make choices  altogether when the previous cycle was a bit too rough).

Kinda looks like his attitude is just bristles and self-protection and he uses his intellect for it in a way too heavy-handed way. Like, he was bullided as a kid and maybe his parents (father, specifically?) were never on his side and never tried to give him solutions for communication problems, concentrating on his intellect and assigning the most value to it, pushing him for results and removing from social interactions (especially since genius baby Rodney would’ve been bored with peers). But since Rodney’s not a sociopath, he wants human connection and friends and be valued as a human being and not a walking physics manual, and he wants to be better and snap out of the comfort zone shitty behavior, but it’s hard and makes him feel way too vulnerable and inadequate.
Also, it’s Sheppard by whom he wants to do right the most. After he destroys the solar system Sheppard is so pissed off with him and tells him doesn’t trust him – as if it’s the first time Rodney’s let someone down. (And btw, it’s Sheppard who he puts into a special category of ‘we have a habit of saving each other’s lives’, as if no one else on the team saved Rodney’s life and he hasn’t saved theirs.) Sheppard makes him want to be better, braver, try harder, he wants to be someone Sheppard respects and calls his friend. And Rodney doesn’t really trust and rely on anyone – except for Sheppard. (Curiously, Carter, who he considers to be the only person smarter than him and hallucinates in the drowning jumper for help, doesn’t help at all, because he doesn’t trust her and doesn’t listen to her. His subconscious is set for a failure there, he already knows he’s going to die and Carter is there to like, expedite it and prettify his last minutes alive.)

So, as I said, Sheppard makes Rodney a better man. Because Rodney knows he’s deeply flawed and not that great of a person, but being exposed to Sheppard slowly but surely changes that. Rodney wants and needs Sheppard’s approval and appreciation – he wants to be the man who Sheppard would call his friend. Sheppard makes him selfless, brave, makes him think faster, do more, think about consequences, strive and match Sheppard’s moral ideal. Sheppard doesn’t want him to be ‘nice’ (like Jennifer), doesn’t even demand Rodney to change, he just presents an image, in a general way, of what Rodney thinks a worthy man should be like, and it’s Rodney’s own job to recognize it and get there.

Rodney: Hey, so I’ve turned Elizabeth into a Replicatior…
Sheppard: FOR FUCK’S – I fucking hate you, because if something goes wrong I will have to kill her! >:C
Rodney: Oh. Right. Sorry. :(
Elizabeth: Guys I think I have superpowers now…
Rodney & Sheppard: Cool! :D  

Oh, and Sheppard got over Rodney’s solution – and Elizabeth’s consequent self-sacrifice pretty quickly. I mean, Sheppard was really pissed off about the solar system and slapped Rodney real hard with the ‘I don’t trust you’ spiel, but like, only bitched for five seconds about Elizabeth and never held it against Rodney afterwards. Yeah, that’s the epic Sheppard/Elizabeth romance right there. *snort* What I’m willing to allow tho, is Sheppard’s priorities shifting over time and making him choose Rodney over nearly anything else. And when Rodney actually fucks up, Sheppard just blames himself. Losing people also pushes him towards both notions – killing Sumner, losing Ford, then Carson, then Elizabeth, then Dr. Heightmeyer – none of that is really his fault, but he’s knee-jerk reaction is to take the blame, and it also makes him kling onto Rodney unhealthily hard. Rodney’s actually on the same page with him about it, from the reasons to the escalation, and I’m pretty sure they’re both aware about their mutual co-dependency and both find it part-welcome and part-alarming. It’s also why I find Rodney/Jennifer laughable – Rodney’s about as fucked up as Sheppard by s5, and it makes their ability to develop any sort of meaningful connections with ‘new’ people non-existent. I mean, I can allow Rodney’s fling with Jennifer to be a desperate attempt to make distance between himself and Sheppard (re: part-alarming) (Sheppard’s solution is to pent up and distance from everybody, of course), but that’s the point – it’d be a fling, quick, brutal, doomed to fail and drive McShep even more co-dependent (re: part-welcome, and they don’t really need and want another relationship).

Carter & Co: Atlantis is in deep shit we need to cannibalize one of our ships to help them asap or else they all die!
Meanwhile, McShep & Co: Let’s go steal a ZPM from the Replicators!! :D :D

"Oh no," Sheppard had responded darkly, stabbing his pen furiously through the pages of his Big Book of Cryptograms. "I am much more of an asshole than you will ever be."         

The sun plays on her curls, making them look glittery. It reminds him a little of the curtains he has in Atlantis.

That’s actually partly the reason I can’t imagine them in all the pairings the canon was roping them into – because these women were all fucking serious and grown up af and mcshep is out there, existing in a parallel reality of sorts, and trying to shove them into that serious reality was really ooc and fake. It’s as if the writers didn’t entirely realise what had they done and were trying to play by the usual rulebook of het romance, and of course it looked just really weird and misplaced. And they’ve set themselves up with that uniquely idiotic behavior scene with the balcony in the very fucking beginning and had no choice to proceed with it, because it was a brilliant characterization choice – and it split the entire character pool into mcshep and ‘everyone else’ with no chance to intersect. Also, for romantic subplots, if mchsep were actual teenagers, setting them up with pscychologically mature girls could signify their own character growth and coming of age, like in YA texts. But mcshep are not teenagers, they’re in their late 30s and that’s it – this is their characters and they’re really incompatible with the regular romantic tropes. XD

/// Judging by the ep with the Game (everyone was surprised to find out about it) and the ep with the cars (Teyla stumbled over them by an accident), no one actually knows what mcshep are up to in their spare time and also how much of said spare time they spend together. :) Sheppard introduces everybody to golf, for example, and I suspect it’s cos Rodney doesn’t play it, so it’s not the special ‘John&Rodney’ pastime. They also don’t have separate entertainment going on – like, say, Lorne sneaks away from people to paint and Radek has his pigeons thing. Nope, the moment there’s something potentially cool, it immediately becomes ‘John&Rodney’ thing – starting with the personal shield and balconies. :) As in, Rodney activates the shield – Sheppard, come shoot me in the leg! Rodney finds the Game – Sheppard, come play with me! Rodney gets into whales – Sheppard, let me tell you everything about it! Maybe it was the same with the cars – Rodney ordered some from Earth and immediately ran to Sheppard with them. Cos it does look like this kind of shit starts with Rodney (like, say, ‘five bucks says you lose your memory first’) and Sheppard happily joins in and they never ever tell anyone about it. :) And I suppose it’s not even intentional (once the Game is out they are eager to explain it to anybody, and they play chess in public afterwards, and Rodney chases after Sheppard across Atlantis about the whales cos he’s so excited, and they invite Teyla to the car racing) – it probably just doesn’t occur to them to share with the class. :) Which results in them basically spending all their free time together while even their closest friends don’t have a clue it’s a thing.

/// When Rodney takes Lucius’s potion and makes Sheppard clean his room – Sheppard doesn’t actually act any differently about him other than the room cleaning part – and with Lucius we’ve seen how it affected people around. (And it kinda looks like Sheppard’s been exposed to potion!Rodney for a fair amount of time and it’s already ‘the longer the worse the reaction’.) Which kinda makes you think Sheppard’s default mode is already ‘liking Rodney an abnormal amount’ and the only difference is that he’s a bit more willing to be at his service. :) And I mean I’ve seen this incident on tvtropes being taken as ‘Rodney’s experementations on Sheppard are sure sexually suggestive’, but tbh, it looks like simple exercise of power – it’s Sheppard’s who’s usually pushy and demanding (in crises, grant you, but Rodney is petty enough to take it personally anyway), so Rodney turned the tables on him. So yeah, on his side, nothing sexual about this one. On Sheppard’s side, tho? Hmm. :)

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how hard John Sheppard flirts with alien women, but only when McKay is around? Like, whatever you hc his sexuality, he does not give one single fuck about these women. His number one goal is to keep Rodney from getting any, and I think that’s very sexy of him.
That also kinda implies Sheppard thinks Rodney can get all these chicks by just showing up. XD Rodney thinks that about Sheppard, but he’s being objective cos Sheppard’s conventionally hot, from his looks to his guns to his brains. Rodney, though? Now, he’s not conventionally anything – his looks are average, his courage is very hidden, and his intelligence is overbearing, and if anything, falling for Rodney would require getting to know him and then getting to know him even more, but that’s not the case with Sheppard. He just goes ‘okay, this physicist guy is hot!’ right away and then pines for five entire seasons. XD

It’s actually the main difference between Sheppard and Rodney. Rodney’s that gifted child who was taught his worthiness as a human being lies with his achievements, so he does in fact have to prove his worth to everybody. He’s an overachiever with self-esteem issues (part over-blown part over-compensated), and when he fails, even slightly, at anything, it fills him with dread.
Sheppard, on the other hand, has already failed, from the beginning, when he disappointed his father, and it made him an underachiever. He can’t ever fit with the demands, so why even try? He doesn’t want to prove anything to anyone, so he doesn’t care for ranks, superiors’ opinions and setting goals. But he does have to live to the expectations he imposes on himself but it’s still a projection of parental expectations and subsequent punishment: if you can’t be what I want you to be, you’re not worthy to live, therefore, you should die.
In the end, Rodney’s parental mindfuckery boils down to the same thing, it’s just that he was given a cookie whenever he was brilliant, and Sheppard was punished whenever he wasn’t. So they both stay in that comfort zone, and Rodney endlessly strives to get that cookie of validation and Sheppard endlessly punishes himself for failing to be superhuman.

apparently my favorite ship dynamic is a mutual “I value our relationship so deeply and care about you so much that it kind of freaks me out and I’ve decided that if you ever find this out I WILL die so I’m just going to tiptoe around this forever and that will totally work out fine (it will not)”
Cos Rodney at least states things like ‘you’re my friend’ and acts openly freaked out when Sheppard’s in danger. Sheppard tho? He tries it very hard to not let on just how important Rodney is to him. I said in one of the recent posts that they know how bad they have it, but it’s more instinctive than rational, and though Rodney knows Sheppard loves him, if he was asked to put it in words, he’d immediately begin to search for evidence and doubt his special-ness. Cos does Sheppard not love Teyla and Ronon? And is he not chronically unable to lose people? Sheppard doubts his worth as a default, that’s actually little to do with Rodney’s frankness or lack thereof – he can be on his knees, proposing and confessing his undying love, for all the good it’ll do, Sheppard will not believe it’s entirely for real. Yes, he knows Rodney loves him. But Rodney also loves hot girls, blue jell-o and math. So while on some level they do know they love each other a lot and will go out of their way to save each other and spend time together, but on the other, they have enormous self-worth issues and trust issues and openness issues, and it makes them hide the true extent of their feelings and makes them unanware how important to each other they are.

I mean, he obviously considers them all idiots who shouldn’t have any power over him, but then, he’s not overly defiant and it’s not like a personal philosophy, more of a general displeasure of dealing with any higher ups and their stupid demands. And it doesn’t matter if they’re military or not, either, Rodney was just as displeased with Woolsey. But when it comes to military strategy and executive decisions, he lets ranking people do that with only an occasional gripe about intellectual validity of their plans – but he does it at everyone.

/// For fic purposes:
We don’t know if Rodney’s parents were abusive, but he does say they hated each other and projected all of that on him, and then he says to Jeannie their father would want to them to work together. Which means his father was the driving force behind their intellectual development and achievements – something that Rodney was more susceptible to, taking his father as an authority figure and being very reluctant to disappoint him. (And since ‘parents hated each other’ mother, likely, didn’t like that approach and maybe stole Jeannie from under the influence but couldn’t do that with Rodney, (only leaving him with a crippled ability to have a close relationship with a woman?)) So, the father probably wasn’t physically abusive but could be that psychologically, and where Sheppard chose rebellion and even more abuse, Rodney chose compliance and approvement, but approvement of an endlessly insufficient sort, i.e., very good son, but you can and should do more, strive for more, be perfect for me – you don’t want to be the failure your mother obviously wants you to be? And if there were any imperfections – from feeling unhappy to being a disliked weirdo, Rodney suppressed that real hard. (His overeating is absolutely what Sheppard suggests in passing for hom, which is seeking comfort and compensating for the barren emotional landscape of his childhood and the endless stress – he couldn’t express and complain about it, so he found a bad coping mechanism. Oh, and the way he complains about his father reading him Moby Dick and giving him nightmares – as a child with way too active imagination and already unstable mental health, of course his father probably saw him as weak and not manly enough and needing to be introduced to ‘proper’ boy literature and examples of manly behavior. With the best intentions, of course, so Rodney wouldn’t be bullied and ridiculed in the future, but results were the opposite.)
As for mommy issues – idk, could she, perhaps, be blonde and very smart? :) And with women, is he searching for mommy’s approval and acceptance – something she forgot to give him, too busy fighting with his father? (Also, the ‘hated each other, blamed me’ notion – did they just hate each other on principle or did a genius child uncover some hidden problems? Were the parents both scientists? Did mom, like Jeannie, realise she wanted a family life rather than a hardcore career and Rodney’s father despised that waste of talent, like Rodney despised Jeannie’s choice, which he basically learned from his dad? And his mom tried to raise him as a normal kid but his dad never let that happen and only caved in a bit with Jeannie, maybe already too tired of all the fighting or thinking as a girl, Jeannie will end up like her mom anyway, so why try? So, mom won with Jeannie and calmed down, leaving Rodney as a lost cause, but he still wanted her approval but felt like she hates him just like she hates his dad, and as a teenager, that really messed him up, making him feel extra unloved and wrong, and on one hand, brilliant women intimidate him but on the other, he wants to be noticed and appreciated by them.
Oh, and that weird issue with male authority figures that I addressed earlier? Where he in the same time can’t stand them but also doesn’t object too much – so, evidently, Rodney realizes very well his father was an asshole and fucked him up big time, but then again, authority is still authority and has to be obeyed. That’s also interesting in relation to Sheppard, who is an equal technically but de-facto in charge and Rodney, while demonstrating his displeasure, accepts it a lot easier than in all other cases. Sheppard, he can obey – hell, he comes to Sheppard to ask for a fucking permission to go be eaten by Todd to save his own fucking sister (he doesn’t really obey in the end, but he still asks). Like, if your only and closest relative is dying and you can save them by committing a suicide, whose fucking business it is? You just go and do it. But nope, Rodney comes to Sheppard first – and yeah, it can be on some subconscious level a cry for help, i.e., we always save each other, now it’s your turn, I’m all out of options, do something! But Rodney also does consider Sheppard to be an authority to count with – maybe on a closer to the surface level he wanted Sheppard to say ‘yes, that’s very brave of you Rodney, you’re a real man now’, i.e., approve of his choice and confirm he’s doing everything right – cos Rodney needs that reference point, and Sheppard is the paragon of the ‘right’ behavior for him, moral, professional and befitting a man and a leader (re: Doranda).

I mean, Rodney indicates it in s2 that they must always save each other specifically, but Sheppard’s always being general about it (even earlier in this ep), saying his people will come for him. But it would appear Sheppard too thinks he and Rodney have an exclusive saving deal. :)

Pluse I have read multiple places that in an interview at some point Joe admited to being behind McShep and played up their scenes on purpose.
So, Sheppard’s jealousy is actual jealousy and Rodney’s mancrush is an actual mancrush. Because there’s a cool narrative rule that says ‘show don’t tell’ and we believe in what we see, not what is told and then not proven.
Also, whether that's specific acting choices or writing choices composing that way, but Hewlett always played whatever was put into the sсript, always and likely to the letter, but in such a way that he still remained, well, Rodney.
So when there are supposed to be romance and feelings, they’re there, sure, but what’s also there, is the entire Rodney’s fucked-upness, and you can’t help but wonder, is this what he’s feeling or is this what he wants to feel/who he wants to be? That kinda really dampens the sincerity of feelings portrayed. So, his relationship with Katie, with (at) Sam, with Jennifer – it’s all about Rodney and not about them. Yeah, he tries sometimes and sort of takes interest in them and what they're like as a person, but he’s visibly making an effort to be interested. And Rodney can be not self-centered with other people and only when he tries to get the girl it becomes about him, because evidently, getting the girl is an issue and has nothing to do with any particular girl but with the action of getting itself. What comes afterwards – keeping the girl, maintaining a relationship, working on that relationship, adjusting his life and making compromises, having shared goals and shared everything – I’m pretty fucking sure Rodney never thought about any of that. Whatever he managed to have with Jennifer in the alt!future was born out of losing everything else and having no options, and it was too short-lived to make any conclusions about Rodney’s ability to maintain a relationship with Jennifer or any other girl.
In other words, the way Rodney was initially written and then portrayed really interfered with all the later insertions about his love life. Everything we’ve learned about Rodney before s5 says he cannot have a long, happy, normal relationship with Jennifer – but that he… no, not even can have, but does have one with Sheppard. Whoops, wrong development! XD